Gay, lesbian, queer, questioning: the orientation codes

Four colours, no acts

The old code named what you wanted to do. These four name who you are — and only that. Gay is the pride rainbow. Lesbian is an orange-to-pink gradient, after the lesbian flag. Queer is a four-colour quad. Questioning is a pastel rainbow, deliberately softer, because it is the colour of not being sure yet.

Each has two pockets like every code. On the identity codes the left pocket is the giving or leading side and the right the receiving side, in the old sense — but you do not have to take it that way. Plenty of people hang the pair for the picture, not the position.

The words, plainly

Gay: a person who is attracted to people of the same gender — used by men, and by many women. Lesbian: a woman who is attracted to women; some non-binary people use it too. Queer: an umbrella word for people whose sexuality or gender is not straight or cis, reclaimed from an insult and now widely used, especially by younger people, though some older people still find it painful. Questioning: working it out. These follow Stonewall’s list of terms.

You will not find bi, pan, ace or aro on this page yet. They exist in the Master — bisexual is a tri-colour, pansexual a tri-colour, asexual and demisexual quads, aromantic five stripes — but their pocket words were written in the older register, and until the studio rewrites them in this one they stay off the public site. That is a rule we keep, not an omission we are hiding.

Holding a colour

If you have arrived here from a search at one in the morning, this is the part for you. Nobody here needs you to decide anything. Look at the four colours. Notice which one you keep coming back to. That is all a code ever did — it showed people what they already knew.

If you want to talk to a person rather than a print, the Support page has people who listen for free and keep it to themselves: Switchboard LGBT+, The Proud Trust, akt, Childline, Mermaids. If you are in danger, call 999.